Friday, June 5, 2009

IF IT COULD WOULD HAVE BEEN !!!

Scene 1 : Outlook pops up an alert saying that "U got to attend another meeting" !!!
U pick up your note pad (which is similar to the common subject note-book of col days, where you write all possible comments/reviews/lesson learnt/Action Items/Open Items/Closed Items/Pending Items/Critical Issues/Escalated Issues/Follow up etc etc...)
Scene 2 : U enter a posh discussion room where u have carpet on the floor, polished wooden walls, mahogany tree table, with lots of wires coming out from center e.g. Backbone cable, LAN cable, X network, Y network, Projector cable, VoIP cable, telephone cable . With some initial rumbling, u finally decide which cable to insert in which socket, so as to get ready presentation. Call the off-shore/on-site guys thru VoIP and start the initial rounds of exchange of pleasantries.
Scene 3 : ....
.... "The parallel approach in the later design phase would mitigate the transitional risks and would be instrumental in achieving the visible time-phased projection of completion dates"........"The responsiveness of the issue should be systematized and synchronized with the organizational concepts"......."The integrated approach will give a balanced mobility within to team to give flexibility in handling contingency plans"......."The compatibility of the design is reciprocal of the .... " !!! ZzZzzzzZZZZZZZ......

guys, bikes and gals...

Do you see a connection between the three ?
Guys like bikes and gals too... Makes some sense. But is it true inversely ? To put it in words, do gals like bikes and hence guys who own bikes. Wat nonsense !!! I have never heard any gal saying she loves a guy because his bike is "drop dead gorgeous" !!!! And i guess everyone will agree to it. But is it a myth that is propagated far and wide.
Probably, this explains why most of the bike advertisements feature a bike , a guy and gal.
This is a common combination which I have been noticing in all the recent advertisements of all leading bike manufacturers.

Be it Bajaj 135 WIND which became famous for it 'HOODIBABA' adv, where a gal goes ga ga over a guy riding on a bike or of late Bajaj 135 XCD, where the sisters would be fighting for "bas ek pichali seat" or Hero Honda Passion Plus, where a gal driving SUV gets impressed by a guy riding a bike with "push button start", while his friends behind in the car are all surprised. Then I rem Suzuki ZEUS, where u again have a gal going mad for a guy for his bike riding skills... Not to forget Apache RTR commercial, though not completely girl-centric, but still had a feminine component present.

Huh !!! How
deceptive these advertisments could be !!! Ask me !!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

india votes and BJP is defeated !!!

If winter has come, summer cant be far off.
I cant decide at this juncture if it's the starting of summer for Congress or the winter has just begun for BJP (yes, you can argue that BJP never had a full fledged summer to its credit).
16th May, ’09 was probably the first time when I was anxiously glued to my otherwise detestable CRT monitor converted into TV, via a pathetic TV tuner card.
Huh!!! Indian parliamentary results were being broadcasted on all the news channels, with the tally of NDA and UPA being updated every second. I had not voted in this parliamentary election, though I have been for 7 yrs in Bangalore now(not because I was feeling lazy on the election day, but because I decided not to have my election ID made in Bangalore, as I still believe that I belong to Kashmir and should vote there).
UPA started of quite well in their tally but I had a flickering hope that NDA might still be able to perform decently owing to the ‘non-issues’ like “inability of UPA govt to provide internal security of late”, “recent recession”, “inflation”, “job losses in almost all the sectors” etc etc… though I know that all these issues could have erupted equally badly had NDA been in power in past 5 yrs.
Every increment in the UPA tally was taunting me in my face, and things were worse because I was having a severe cold and I had to repeatedly blow my running nose only to return and see a further increment in the UPA tally.
I wanted BJP to win. But y? I wanted to do ans this ques to myself before I could convince somebody else.
I have always been an adroit supporter of BJP, ever since when I could hardly understand even 1% of political discussions going in my family. I remember way back in 1992, probably I was eight or nine years old, when I was staying in Udhampur after ‘migrating from Kashmir’ and BJP had decide to hoist national flag at the historic Lal Chowk in the heart of Srinagar city on 26th Jan 1992(Click here to get more info on this Yatra). This country wide movement started by BJP under the leadership of Dr. Murali Manohar Joshi was called “Ekta Yatra” and it was intended to awaken the whole of India about the happenings in Kashmir (there were no daring Barkha Dutts at that time who could bring the live coverage of Kashmiri Pandits being brutally murdered in their homeland). It was the time, when Islamic militancy was at its pinnacle in Kashmir, driving out every Hindu soul from Kashmir valley. When the selected targeting on Kashmiri Pandits was being done only to make sure that the pro-Indian Hindu folks from Kashmir were driven out. Tens of thousands of Hindu families were fleeing and migrating to Udhampur, Jammu and Delhi leaving behind their homes and hearths, their cultural heritage and virtually everything, but for their honor. I don’t know how many of today’s eligible young voters or “first time voters” know about this. Probably like me, they were too young to comprehend what was going on in Kashmir. They were too busy with their impending final exams.
Seeing this mass movement in the form of Ekta Yatra in 1992, the govt at centre was shaken to its core. And it was Congress who was ruling at the centre. The Congress was holding the reins of country since 21st June 1991 and the situation at that time was bad enough to take concrete and harsh steps to curb the local uprising in Kashmir. But all these pseudo-secular mother f***ing parties were blowing the trumpet of communal harmony and tolerance etc. These sons of bitches were selling India and not saving India and true Indians in Kashmir. It was all the part of petty vote bank politics, on which Congress and other parties wanted to bank by showing that they respect the sentiments of Muslims in India. And if I could ask them, what about the pro-Indian Hindus? Should they have been left to dogs and at the mercy of Pakistani backed terrorists wielding AK-46s and 47s and
Kalashnikovs. Shame on them… If not that, atleast the govt at centre should have taken bare minimum steps to rehabilitate thousands of fleeing people from their homes.
It was BJP who had come forward at that time, above the cheap politics of Congress, Left, dalits, Mandal comission etc. The national elections had concluded a year back, in 1991, and hence BJP too could have taken a back seat and decided to be a mum spectator, as they would not have got any political mileage out of this. But BJP decided to take the problem head-on and make the general public of India aware of what was happening to their countrymen. Respected Advani ji and Atal ji, were the architects of that mass movement which gave every Kashmiri Pandit a sense that there is someone in HIS country on whom HE can rely on. I still remember the words of Dr. M M Joshi, when he was addressing his party men in Udhampur, “We have no security provide by either centre or state govt. We don’t know if we will be killed by bullets or by grenades in Kashmir. What we know is that we shall hoist Tiranga in Lal Chowk. Are you willing to come with me?” and there were thousands on his party men who replied in unison “YES”..
And they were actually successful on hoisting the national flag in Srinagar on 26th Jan. It was a slap on the face on Congress at centre and ever since they have started labeling BJP as ‘communal’. Ha… what an irony.
The years following the mass exodus of Kashmiri Pandits from valley, they were supported by BJP and its sister allies in one or the other way, rather than empty and hollow promises like Congress. I would probably need to write another blog to express my gratitude to Advani Ji and Atal Ji for all the selfless service which has been rendered to my community by their party. And I will always owe my allegiance to BJP.

Can u give now me a reason as to why I should vote for Congress ???

Friday, March 13, 2009

Good morning vs Regular Morning !!!

i am not particularly allergic to getting up early in the morning, but ya, i do love to catch up a few extra mins of sleep in the morning. The 15 mins of sleep from 6.15 to 6.30am seems to be more enjoyable than the sleep from mid-nite to 6am. I guess this sleep is one of the few luxuries for which u dont hv to pay (or may be u will end up spending, if u miss your morning shuttle).
i have always tried (and am still trying) to accomplish a certain set of activities before i leave for the office. Activities which will make my morning an ideal morning. So what all i want to do...
i) First of all, in the early morning i want to go out for jogging or to gym where i could sweat out (probably with a Nike band on my head, Adidas wrist band and Reebok shoes.) And then may be when i am returning, i could meet a couple of females (worth mentioning here, HOT females) who get impressed by my muscular body with sweat on my forehead. (but how can i get sweat on my forehead if i am wearing the head band).
ii) Once back, I would love to play my fav music on a good music system, with an amazing woofer. Probably, Creative 4.1 speakers will do...and ya, music should be Hindustani classic sangeet, with tabla and sitaar in prominence. Even sufi music will do...
iii) Have a look at the morning newspaper and brush through all the headlines.
iv) Go for a bath (and other associated activities ;) ) and come out.
v)Wear a neatly ironed formal pants and crispy shirt (Arrow or Louis Phillip )
vi) Go to b'fast table and have a balanced b'fast comprising of cut fruits, a glass of juice. Bread- butter and a couple of boiled eggs (one with yoke and another without it) .
Then leave for office with lots of enthu....

Hmmmm.... sounds so good...
but what happens on an average morning for Mr. Tikoo...

Alarm rings at 6 am... I curse the alarm and then my office timings... How inhuman it is to make someone get up from his/her pleasing sleep, esp on a pleasant B;lore morning.
Snooze my fone and keep it with-in my reach so that I can re-snooze it after 10 mins... alarm rings again, and I re-snooze it, realizing that I am fighting a losing battle against time and that I have to get-up in some time. third time when alarm rings, i decide to annihilate this alarm menace so that I can re-enter the realm of my sleep... i will try to re-collect all the major debug & productive work that i would have done the previous day, so that I can reward myself with this sleep. I do the SWOT analysis of this decision and suddenly a strange feeling will creep into me.
I would realize that the "T" of SWOT is quite prominent and that I need to re think on my decision. The thought of devil-some autowalla asking for 3 or 4 times the actual rate to drop me to the nearest bus-stop will send shivers down my spine..
I will suddenly get up only to realize it s 6.45 am. Head straight towards geyser switch and hit it. Will take brush in one hand and look for newspaper outside my door. Would directly open the BT section of ToI and with a quick glance, will shift my focus on "Today's Forecast" for my sun sigh. Not that I really believe in all these, but ya, i definitely feel good when it says "u can expect a pleasant surprise later in the day".
As soon as I am done with this, I would rinse my mouth and look for my towel and other "accessories" !!! ;)
will shout from bathroom to ma dear sis, "Neha, pl mere kapdon ko press kar de na.. plz plz plz" .. will get an irritated acknowledgement from her, "khud nahi kar sakta hai... mein nahi karungi" .. (this actually means, dear bro, u dont worry, by the time u come out ur shirt/t-shirt will be ready)... :)
Somehow i will subject my body to the partially hot water... with a fear in mind, as I wont be knowing when this luke warm water changes to chilled water.. With all my mental and physical strength,I would jump into the water gushing out of shower and would bounce one or twice under it, before stabilizing myself beneath it.
As my shampoo bottle is always in "reserve" state, I would "share" my sis's shampoo and finish my bath asap.
By the time i come out, a neatly ironed shirt would be waiting outside to hug me...
then wearing pants, putting moisturizer on face ( i always end up squeezing more qty of moisturizer and the struggle to put it back, till i am screamed at by sis...) , collecting my wallet, watch, mobile, sodexho card, combing my hair, pulling up my pant's zip (it s kinds a QC for me before i leave my home every morning. I can't imagine going out with my fly open and small children looking at me and giggling... ), looking for a fresh pair of socks, and then wearing shoes & tying laces is done in 6-7 mins..
and there i am... ready to hit the road. i walk briskly to catch the bus
quite contrary to what my "ideal morning" should be like.. huh !!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Few reasons why a guy should not have a girl friend :O

Well I am one of those lucky (or unlucky??) guys who never had a girlfriend (trust me, I really never had a gf ). And I have my own reasons as to why it is stupid to have a girlfriend...
Following is a compilation of my reasons, which have been well researched (at my level) before being documented.

1) Owning (owning??) a girl friend is like having a cone of vanilla ice-cream. If u don't lick it, it will melt and u will get nothing. If u do, it will make u look like a doggy !!! Choice is yours..

2) Variety is the essence of life. Y would anyone like to miss all the beautiful faces, just for that one person. (Ya, i knw u don't love a person's face, it is his/her soul . But even if we consider that as truth, u still lose your right to look at other pretty faces, at least when u are wid ur gal.

3) No good nite, good morning, good afternoon msgs or calls.. You can booze carefree with your frnds all thru night, without getting those "cute" good-nite msgs...

4) You can always make new female friends without bothering to answer "where", "what", "why", "how" and most imp, "when" !!!

5) You don't have to rem all the break-up (and other such nonsensical stories) of her friends, most of whom you will never meet in your life.

6) You don't have to notice every small change in her appearance, which involves change in the shades of her lipstick or nail polish, lest you shall be held guilty of "ignoring her" and would be prosecuted as per the rules of "love-dom", which are laid down by HER.

7) You don't have to "sense" her mood via your "ears" when she is talking to u on fone. quite a difficult task.

8) ....

i shall be adding more, as and when i collect more info...
and gals, no offenses meant.... ;)
just make sure that if u hv a bf, u don't fall into any of the above categories...

Monday, March 2, 2009

A novice cooking maestro : myself :P

Well, I am not very ashamed of praising myself, often and in public, with respect to my cooking skills. Probably this post is just another aspect of same thing.
The first time I had tried my hands on cooking was probably in 2nd std, when i had tried to "boil" a Maggie for myself. Since then there has been no looking back, and I continued to augment my cooking skills till my 12th std. Then it was a 4 years of looong break, when I joined college. After college, I again had a chance to try out my skills in the kitchen. Specifically last one and a half year has been a real enriching experience with respect to my cooking skills. I have graduated from a 'basic cook' to an 'advanced cook', thanks to all the cooking which I do for my dinner and weekend "feasts".
Be it cooking capsicum with potatoes with a complimentary cauliflower added or spicing the regular dal tadka with a couple of bay leaves and mustard seeds or frying the marinated chicken breast at the right flame, I love cooking all the stuff available in any regular Food-World store. No doubt there have been minor "mishaps" in the kitchen ( the worst being, when i forgot to put rice in the rice cooker, and the water continued to boil for one full hour, while I was cooking the most exotic stuff ;) ) , but all those can be compensated when you relish your own cooked food.
Tomatoes and onions when chopped in the right proportion and then fried with zeera and the dried red chillies, have the potentional to make even the most boring vegetable taste good. For example, how many of us like Karela (bitter gourd)... Atleast, I didn't like it and I would dread at the thoght of having it as a main "sabzi" for my dinner. But then, oflate I have realised that Karela doesn't taste as bad as it looks. You just need to pamper it little bit during cooking and then you can have a fantastic dish (which not only tastes good, but has lot of medicinal properties also). Just sprinkle some salt on the peeled Karela and keep it vertically down for some 15 -20 mins. Wash it off, stuff it with some mashed potatoes, tie a thread over it, and then deep fry it for 12-15 mins. Once fried, remove the thread and cut it into small pieces and soak it in a gravy of Onion, tomato, ginger, garlic along with tamarind , red chilly and garam masala (and ofcourse salt too :)).... I bet, it will be "finger licking tasty" ;)
Ofcourse, many of my friends have regularly complained that I dont invite them for the demo of my cooking skills, but that s mainly because of the lack of sitting space in my small rented 1BHK :P
And, I strongly feel that all of us should try out cooking in their respective places. I feel that cooking is a life's basic skill and surely not a difficult art to master at.
Hope this post gives all u guys a reason to cook and celebrate your life every day ;)


Sunday, January 4, 2009

Are U kashmiri ???

I guess it will not be long before i have to stop saying that i come from a "mysterious" land of Kashmir (In fact I have already taken steps in this dir, as my "native" place has changed from Srinagar to Jammu).
The bewildering look on person's face used to be very pleasing initially, when I used to be over-enthusiastic to tell more "facts" about my place, like Jammu is a city and not a state etc. (i wonder how can people have such weak geographic knowledge about India, when they can tell exactly how many hours it will take to fly from Frankfurt to Dallas. Well, all side affects of IT industry). But then, of-late it is becoming more like a pain in ass to repeat the same set of facts and figures about my native place, repeatedly.
Today morning, when I missed my regular shuttle to my office, I took the Volvo bus to my office, which got stuck in the nasty traffic jam. A usual cribbing about Electronics City traffic was started by person seated next to me, which in due course diluted and he asked about my native place. "North India", i said. and the conversation followed as:
Q. Where in north India.
A. Srinagar, to be precise.
Q. Oh, so u are from Kashmir, Jammu and Kashmir u mean ?
A. Ya.. (with a pleasing smile on my face).
Q. How far is Srinagar from Kashmir (I felt like breaking the glass of Volvo bus and committing suicide under its wheels)
A. Wel, not very far (what else I could explain !!!)
Q. So u completed your schooling there only ?
A. Yes
Q. But I have heard that there is lot of militancy there ?
A. Yes, there are militants.
Q. Have u seen any militant ? (Ya, why not. Infact my house in Srinagar has a common toilet with adjacent house, where militants gen come for resting. And sometimes they hv to wait outside when I am attending the nature's call in the shared toilet)
A. Well, No..
Q. Were U in Kashmir when "Kargil War" Happened ?
A. NO (Even though the war was couple of 100 kms away, I could not have afforded to say YES, for that would opened up new dimension of our discussion, like "did u see tanks passing by on your roads" and what India should have done to "teach" Pakistan a lesson at that time etc. etc. !!! I have been victimized like that so many times :(
Q. How is situation In Jammu ?
A. A lot better.
Q. Is it b'coz it is away from Pakistan ?
A. Ya (again with a pleasing smile. But the fact of matter is that, if u have 6 lts of petrol in Bajaj Pulsar, U can hv b'fast in the centrally located restaurant in Jammu, go till Indo-Pakistan border and probably say 'Hi' to Paki Rangers and then be back to the same restaurant for a late lunch).
Q. I have heard and seen in TV that people there want to go with Pakistan.
I clarified saying that it s only a certain section of people of Kashmir who want to go with Pakistan, and not whole of J&K.

The gentleman continues, "Kashmir is called a paradise on earth. It used to be the favourite honeymoon destination in my dad's time. Even me and my wife had gone there once after our marriage" (and with this he gave me a "wicked" smile. I was scared if his sexual tendencies have changed since then. )

and then he started narrating his recent trip to Jammu (which was in 1998. i was wondering how can 11 long years be "recent"), when he had visited Mata VaishnoDevi, riding on a mule from the base Camp of Katra till the hill top.
and that how he long to visit Amarnath ji and how his plans got cancelled last year!!! and how pleasing and helpful the people of J&k are. and that he has heard that "kashmiri females are beautiful" ( asshole, y was he eyeing the gals which rightfully belong to my "lot" ;) how India should solve the kashmir problem etc etc.

And all this time he was unaware of the mental torture that was being unleashed on me. Probably my mental state could have been equated to someone who would have been tortured by repeatedly showing the "ridiculously hilarious" movies of Govinda with Raveena Tandon. :(

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Tikoo can't dance sala...

:(
just the other day, my confidence was shattered, when i realized that I am very bad at dancing..not that I was
good at dancing at any point of time in my life, but my enthusiasm to dance has always pushed me to the dance floor. I had, over the period of time, managed to master some of the steps, which would give me enough option to dance for some time so that I could entertain myself (and may be others too...). and then I am very good at 'stealing' the steps from my co-dancers and thus make my dancing a successful. but at one of my frnd's marriage, I was, as usual, attracted towards the dance floor...and since I was, as usual, brimming with the confidence that I can manage to dance, I made my first step towards the dance stage... but I was soon to realize that most of my co-dancers are as immature as me.. and the regular mastered steps of lifting hands in air ( first one hand, then 2nd hand and finally both the hands, which makes it 3 different 'different' steps) were nt very useful as all the songs on the play list were 'shaadi ke songs'.. so realizing that lifting hands would have made me look like 'more' stupid, I stuck to the safest step on dance floor, to clap, while u can swing ur bod... and suddenly this no came on the play list, called, 'Pappu cant dance saala'.. and since 'pappu' rhyme with 'tikoo', my frnds starts singing 'tikoo cant dance saala' :) but watever, at least, i was centre of attraction for some time na... :P and ya, through this dancing affair, with me was my frnd named Ratheesh, who most of the time looked as if he was getting shocks for being mentally unstable.... ratheesh, hats off to u, for showing the courage to come on to the dance stage.... keep going... and so will i.. next party and we shall rock again.... ;)